Adios Amigo

Hey all, I hope you all are awesome and this month has been great for you! If you ask me how I have survived this month, I would say, "Very well, I had my bitter-sweet moments with a roller coaster ride of intense emotions".

I am blessed with good and quality sleep. Thanks to all that I do in a day that makes me tired and fall asleep as soon as I place my head on the bed. But, one night, the whirlpooling thoughts kept me awake for a while and that is what I will share with you all in this month's blog. 

Adios means to 'say goodbye' and 'Amigo' means 'a friend', but I would consider it as 'a loved one'. That night I was wide awake in my bed wondering, is it always a happy 'Adios Amigo'?, Do we really get to say a proper goodbye to the ones who we love the most? 

I think the answer to the question is really uncertain and it depends on each individual and their life's situation. But when I look back, I figured out that I never was able to say a proper goodbye! To anyone whom I loved! I even had written a poem on the 'Unsaid Adieu' to my beloved father. It gives me chills down my spine to even think that sometimes we never know if we meet that person again. The last vivid memory of mine with my father was in the ICU where he had promised to get back home having fully recovered and healthy. But the next time I saw him, he was no more. I didn't really say goodbye to him there, I was not ready to let him go. I had an amazing friend who was the best singer and just a few days before she left, we all had gone to a music group competition. She was talented, brilliant and a loving friend, but a tragic, fatal road accident took her away from us. When my best friend called me to inform me about her when I was studying for my dance senior exam, I didn't really believe her. I thought she might be pranking me but NO, it was for real. It took me a long time to digest that a person who was with me a few days back is no more! After I got into my degree college, I wanted to meet and inform my favourite biology teacher from PU  about my life. I waited for the right moment, but it never arrived because she had left already, just like that. I adore cows and all my childhood, we had cows near my home and our neighbours reared those cows at their homes. Those beautiful souls would come to visit us every day and make our lives better. I had named them all with weird and hilarious names. They all kept going missing without our notice. Either they would be dead or moved to a different place by their owners. One day I saw my favourite cow being cremated in the backyard of my home and I still remember the uncontrollable sobbing and how my mother consoled me. Sometimes I just feel these to be horrific pain. Even though we know that death is inevitable, it makes us feel bad and sad for the ones who have departed and left us all alone. When I connected the dots backwards, I realised that I was not able to bid proper adieu to any of these people or animals. It is not always a proper happy goodbye as they show us in a happy ending movie. It's never ever like that. But, I feel that this is for a reason. It is better to not say goodbye because there is never a goodbye! You can never say 'bye' to their memories. They all are with you always, tightly protecting you and guiding you when you suck at things. I never ever want to see anyone's sad face before leaving. If you observe, all the instances I mentioned above, it may not have been a goodbye when I last met them, but it was a happy last moment that I can remember about them so it doesn't ache my heart to see their final moments that are not rosy. It is for a reason that you don't get to say 'adios' to your 'amigos'. 

If you are someone who is going through the grief of losing your loved one, don't worry. You are not alone. They may have left you physically but they have always got your back. They are the stars in the sky. That is what I was told when my appa left me and I want to believe it so hard. I still remember going up on the terrace and counting stars in the sky and staring at that one bright star that I thought was my father. Find your ways to cope with the loss. The void can't be filled but let it not be hollow. Fill it with your memories, beliefs, thoughts and their presence. They are now the guardian angels to whom you have access all the time, anytime, anywhere. 

That being said, when you have a chance to bid farewell to someone, do it the right way because as hard as it is to accept that life is uncertain, some of these unfortunate situations can get real. 

Keep in touch with that friend from your college whom you used to call your 'bestie' but now with all the busy schedule you have forgotten. Call up your grandparents who are always anticipating your call. This one is a self-reminder for me:). Never wait for the right moment to do something or meet someone. Just do it before it is too late. 

We have our good days as well as an equal share of bad days. If we never question 'Why me?' on good days, we ought not do it on our low days. Cry it out, write it, take away all the burden and make yourself light. At least that is what I do. The other day one of my friends asked me a question as to how I cope with an overwhelming situation and this was my answer. 
If you are someone who is going through horrible pain right now or is coping up with the loss of your loved one, a big, tight virtual hug to you. You are not alone. You can do it.
Let us all be mindful of our 'Adios' to our 'Amigos' from the next time. Remember, all the goodbyes are not good, but at least try to make it happy and memorable as far as you can( time and situation are not in your control anyway).

Alright, I leave you all here with this thought. Have a beautiful month ahead until I come up with a new blog. 

If you feel it is worth reading, consider it sharing with your family and friends, also if you have read it till the end, comment down your favourite emoji along with the 'hug' emoji to all the people who are going through a lot right now. 

Small, little, happy shambhavi is grateful to all of you, to my blog reading community. 

P.S. As I remembered my appa while writing this, here is a precious photo. That is me with my appa in my anna's upanayana. Discovered this picture months ago which I didn't know existed:)

Until next time, take care!

Bye:)